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Stop Pressuring Her, Stop Begging Her, Stop Asking Her To Come Back.
Did It Work Before?
No, of course it didn't. Surely You asked her to come back, cried, and told her you could change if she would come back. You have certainly Begged her.
So......... Did It Work? If so you wouldn't be reading this right now.
The reason this doesn't work is because she is Not on your side right now. Your influence on her life is what she is trying to get away from. She will do the opposite of almost everything you say right now.
You must understand to get your wife back and stop the divorce it will take some planning. The worst thing you can do is pressure her into staying. Even if it works she will be looking for a way out and eventually leave altogether. In most cases she has already threatened to leave and you begged her and because she felt guilty she stayed. This is when most women lose respect for their husbands. She is with you now because she has to be and not because she wants to be. So we have a great opportunity to change this thinking.
So lets Not Pressure.
You may ask, "what does that mean?" Well, it means, that if she wants to do something just say, "OK". When she calls or texts do not respond right away. Let her think it is OK with you. Just stop letting her know you care about her activities. She is going to do whatever she wants anyway, so you might as well not stand in her way.
PRESSURE makes people back off.... Don't you do something better if you want to do it as opposed to being ordered to do it. I had a boss that used to bark orders at me. I loved that job. I would work hard to get good deals and save the company money. But, my boss was a jerk. I noticed that when he would order me to do something, I would resent the task. Even if it was something I liked doing anyway.
It is the same kind of thing with your wife. By telling her to stop hanging out with the other guy, or her friends, or whatever your situation is....and to come home, you are giving her an order and she is not going to want to obey it. But she will want to flee from it.
By not pressuring, you become the good guy. You can't change her behavior anyway. Which, allows the new boyfriend or friends to become the people pressuring her. She will not want to be pressured by him either. Everybody pressures people, so her new boyfriend will do the same. What makes this different than when you and her met is that she wanted to be pressured then. Because so much is going on in her head, she will not want pressure from anyone right now. And when you act like you do not care and her fling has to become more serious, she will feel that pressure and back away it.
Then with nowhere to go, she will give you a call to see if you are still available.
Here is a conversation I had with a friend recently:
- Sam, "I am so upset, I don't know what to do....Dude, I keep telling her she needs to come back."
- " She is cheating and I know it... my relationship is different than other peoples. She loves me, she is just going crazy right now...."
- "If I just beg her to come back than she will...."
- Me, "Why? That will never work? If it worked wouldn't she be here right now?"
- Sam, "What do you mean it will never work, if she would just answer my calls I could explain to her why she should come back, I mean...I can change."
- Me, "The more you pressure her the less she isn't going to believe you have 'changed' and the farther she is going to run."
- "She is in a state of confusion right now and will always do the opposite of what you tell her. "
- then I went on to ask him if he had ever read my book...of course the good friend he is, he had not.
- Sam, "Then what do I do, every time I say something she gets mad. Even when it seems like we had a good conversation she doesn't change."
You see, no matter what I told Sam, he didn't believe me. He just argued, and thought that there should be some simple answer that would get her back right now.
What you must realize is this: If you want her back then you my take your time. If you try to rush things it will never work.
Are you still not convinced? Then do me a favor, next time she calls (remember you are not allowed to call) - then do not beg her to come back, do NOT say anything about it. Act as if your life is fine.....
Next, give her a day or two and I promise she will call again. She wants to make sure you are still there....
Step 4 - Reassurance talks about, not letting her think that you will ALWAYS be there for her. She left you so it is time for you to move on.
In closing let me tell you, your life is fine..........Where you were happy before meeting your wife? So you can be happy again. Our goal is to get Her Back and Stop the Divorce.... but in the mean time even when you feel down, at least do NOT let her know it.
Please Comment: Did you try this strategy and did it work?
Coming Soon:
Step 4 - No More Reassurance
